Mother’s Day is a beautiful opportunity to celebrate all the loving moms who give so much of themselves to their families everyday! Around the world, flowers are being bought, cards are being made, and kids are getting up early to make their moms breakfast in bed! It’s a day that brings joy to lots of women, but it’s also an emotional day for some moms of kids on the spectrum. The truth is, a lot of our kiddos aren’t doing for us what their typical buddies are doing for their moms. And though it’s not something that personally bothers me much, I can see how it might be hard for a lot of other special needs moms out there. I think comparison is the original gangster thief of joy and social media is awash with things our kids can’t do without help on days like these. 

Our wonderful au pair Cindy, sat with Aidan to make me a card, and it was the most beautiful gift I could ever have received! An autumn leaf, with a little white hand print on it. I will treasure it always! But I also know that without loving prompts, Aidan wouldn’t have known to make it. And that’s ok. It’s a paper cut for sure, but I know how much my little boy loves me everyday. I am his snuggle buddy. I am his safe space for big feelings. I am the person he looks for when he takes a fall. And I am the person he smiles so brightly for whenever I walk into a room. These things may seem small but they’re actually momentous. Because when Aidan was little, I felt like I was failing him far more than I was helping him. And there were days and nights when I wondered if he would miss me if I was gone. Because it didn’t seem like he knew me as anything other than a caregiver. And to know now, absolutely for certain, that I am “his person”, is a gift like none other. It is the biggest privilege imaginable to be loved, cherished, missed, and needed by the little boy my life has revolved around from the moment he was born. I finally feel as though the depth of our love for one another is the same. And that certainty is what sustains me through any tough day, or sleepless night, and every Hallmark holiday. 

So though special needs families celebrate calendar holidays differently, they mean just as much to us as to any other person. Maybe more… because simple celebrations that other people take totally for granted are much harder to coordinate for us. Because everyday social norms are rare social privileges for our families. Because our kids don’t always understand the significance of any particular day or the parameters for expected behaviours associated with them. And because we have to manage sensory overload and overwhelm, no matter the occasion. 

Our roles as parents are far more faceted than most. We are caregivers, short order chefs, emotional regulators, educators, and fierce advocates for our little ones. We use our time, energy, and bodies, to help bridge the gap between what our kiddos understand and the scary unknown. We translate the world to our children, and our children to the world. We consciously create safe environments for them at home, and use our voices to make wider society a more aware, more accepting, and more inclusive space for all autistic children. So that they might have a better supported experience of life on life’s terms, than some others who’ve gone before them. We do it because there’s a drive inside us to protect our kiddos at all costs. After all, our primary purpose is to raise our kids well enough to thrive, flourish, and spread their wings to fly. 

So if nobody else has told you this today, let me: You are an absolute champion, mama! You are so strong. You are the linchpin that keeps all the plates spinning, all the balls up in the air, and the whole world turning for your family. You are special, you are amazing, and you are appreciated. For all the things you give, and for all the sacrifices you make. Don’t let anyone diminish your lived experience. And don’t let anyone make you feel as though your parenting journey is less-than – if anything, it’s extra! And though there are hard days of figuring it all out and just winging it on a hope and a prayer, you are the best mom your baby could ever have. Never forget that! I see you, I honour you, and I hold this space for you. Happy Mother’s Day, beautiful soul!