If you’re the parent of a newly-diagnosed child, it’s important to allow yourself to feel all the feelings, because grief comes in waves. It’s a significant journey to acceptance. Cry if you need to, but don’t stay in that place. Make yourself a coffee, or go for a walk, focus on breathing in and out. Remind yourself that your path is different, not less.
This is not just his journey. It’s yours too. You will have to turn inward and tackle your own traumas and anxieties in order to become the mom he needs you to be. Don’t be afraid of doing this shadow work, you have the best reason in the world to begin your own healing. You can do it! And you will. When a child is born, a mother is born too. We all evolve alongside our children.
Even if you’re a planner, it’s really important to learn how to live comfortably in the present moment. Trying to guess at the future is a waste of precious energy. Because each child is unique and you don’t have a crystal ball to the future. Each moment requires your full attention and your full investment, so take each as it comes. That’s how you stay present for all the MAGIC.
There will be tricky phases and hard seasons that feel like they’ll never end. They do. You’ll tackle a challenge and another one will come up. It’s the nature of the journey – it’s a marathon not a sprint.
Trust your gut. Lean into your instincts. You can sense more than you realise. Never let anyone pigeonhole your child. Or place limitations upon them. Nobody knows your child’s potential and ability like you do – not even doctors and caregivers.
If you get down on his level without expectations or projections, you’ll get to experience the world as he does. This allows you to know what he’s thinking and what he needs without him having words yet.
Reframe your idea of success and model resilience for your little one. If you’re going to the beach… and there’s a meltdown as you walk onto the sand… allow him to calm down and settle, then try again. If he hates the beach, but loved the car ride there, the trip was still a success. He had a great ride! He loved looking out of the window. He ate his snacks and drank his sippy while taking in the view. It was still awesome for him at one point even if another was tricky. Don’t forget that.
If your kiddo is having an absolute ball playing with a toy in a different way than intended, it doesn’t matter. This is where you hold back on correction and let him explore and figure things out for himself. He might be seeing and hearing things you’re unaware of as he turns it in his hands, or tries to take it apart. A toy is supposed to bring him pleasure and if it is, no matter how, it’s all good!
When you’re out in public and your child is just doing his thing, in his own world, let him be. Don’t worry about what it looks like to other people. We’ve been to so many kids parties where my son just played with blocks alone in a corner. I felt a sting of sadness at first but then realised, he’s having a great time! He’s not on the bouncy castle, he’s not eating cake, but it doesn’t matter! He’s having a great afternoon.
Don’t be shy to advocate for your child out in public. You are his voice. By educating others, you are building a better world for him. Encourage people to ask questions about autism and your son. There is nothing wrong with your child, he has a disability, autism should be more commonly known about than it is.
Don’t stop trying to make your child’s world bigger. Even at times he’s really struggling, dust yourself off, and try again. Success can be defined any which way. We celebrate every inchstone in our house. And there’s something to be excited about every single day!
