I’m very tall for a woman, almost six-foot. And my husband Monty is tall too! So it was only to be expected that our little man might grow very tall someday. What wasn’t expected, was that he’d be the size of a six-year-old, at three years old, and wearing sizes 8/9clothing! Buying bigger sizes of clothing is not a big deal, really. It just means that some of his clothing isn’t as fun and colourful as that of his peers! But a three-year-old still wants to be lifted and carried around like any other child his age, and to say that our bodies have been taking strain the last 18 months, is the understatement of the year!
Aidan is 27.8kg’s. He’s not an easy lift. If he’s being uncooperative and flopping around, or is in meltdown, or needs a physical redirection for some reason, he’s a pretty heavy deadlift. He also wiggles and squirms and shimmies while we’re carrying him, so pulling back, neck, arm, and wrist muscles is a pretty regular thing for us. There are evenings when we go to bed covered in Deep Heat, or Dr Lee muscle patches, with a warm beanbag and big dose of Mypaid to top it off. We’ve also had to upgrade our mattresses, so we are sleeping as comfortably as possible at night, and can fully resurrect for another day of lifting and carrying. I sometimes feel as though motherhood has aged my body by at least ten years. Perhaps more! Because it doesn’t seem normal for a 42-year-old woman to have so many persistent and chronic aches and pains! But maybe it is? I mean, we are middle-aged after all. I’m so interested to hear from other parents in this! Please contribute your stories to our Forum.
As Aidan approaches his fourth birthday at the end of the year, he’s become so much more self-aware. He’s also far more aware of other people which is great, because like all toddlers, he was pretty self-involved at one time – utterly convinced the world turned around him. But as great as his understanding of us as separate and important individuals is, he’s also pretty much weighed our strengths and weaknesses too! As his almost-constant shadow, Aidan knows full well that I struggle to lift him when he goes into a flop-and-drop. And so, when he’s pushing boundaries, trying to get his own way, or refusing to cooperate with an instruction, he uses his own weight against me. I must confess that sometimes the sheer frustration I feel when he exhibits this behaviour, gives me the superhuman strength needed to lift him to his feet and see a demand through! But more and more, I’m forced to leave him where he is and walk away, taking away the attention he craves in those moments, in order to send a message that he won’t win, even if he sprawls out. This is not always easy to manage, particularly in public places! But I try to stay as consistent as I can. Because consistency is key to his understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, and what will and won’t be effective to deploy.
It’s only really now that Aidan is 3.5 years old, and it’s physically hard for me to make him do anything he doesn’t want to, that I’m finally mentally and emotionally able to stop trying, and walk away – obviously making sure he’s physically safe first! But I do remember wondering what we’d actually do when we reached this stage! And it’s just as challenging as I suspected it might be. Because Aidan is a big, tall boy and he’s outgrown every wagon, pram and car seat that moms of younger kids use to manage getting their stubborn or dysregulated child from one place to another. We’re now in the Shadowlands, where Aidan ain’t walking if he doesn’t want to, and our little family is beginning to attract more passing curiosity from strangers as we battle to get our son off the floor and mobile again. If I had a Rand for every time I’ve been forced to pick Aidan up and carry him screaming, surfboard-style, from a public place, I’d be a very rich woman!
Thankfully, Aidan’s therapist is working on tagging, following, and handholding while out and about in different locations. So we are slowly but surely building up his compliance with regards to walking, even when he’s not super jazzed to. The only thing we still struggle a lot with is being pulled when he wants to leave a place. Those 27.8kg’s are put to work when Aidan wants to exit somewhere! It’s a little like being pulled on the lead by a Great Dane – resistance is futile. And could hurt his delicate little wrists too. But hopefully we can work on premature exits the same way we have on walking safely in the park, along the roadside, and at the mall. Here’s hoping…!
