Honestly, I must ask myself this question at least twice a day. Sometimes more! Because some days the challenges feel beyond my capability and I struggle for the capacity to be everything to my child and to my family.
Motherhood is humbling y’all. In a way that’s impossible to explain to childless friends. Whatever you were expecting, it’s different. Whatever you thought it was supposed to look like, it doesn’t. However you thought you’d parent, you won’t. Whomever you expected your child to be, they’re not. And these are not bad things! Most often our actual parenting experience is so much more incredible, magical, and transcendent than anything we could possibly have ever imagined. But the hard is hard. And if nobody else tells you that, let me be the person that does.
When we begin to think about starting a family, we set our goals and desires by how we were raised. We might want to replicate the parenting we received. We might want to do far better than the parents we had. But regardless of whether we’re working from the blueprint for what to do or what not to do, we go into the creation of our family on preconceptions and faith alone. Because ultimately, you just never know what cards you’ll be dealt.
When your bub is born, so are you – as a mom. Up until that moment, you had no idea what it was like to hold your own child. Or feed them when they were hungry. Or rock them when they were sleepy. Or offer them comfort when they cried. Our bubs are born completely helpless, and need our assistance with almost every single of their bodily functions. No doubt about it, the first month of their lives is intense. It’s often called “The Fourth Trimester” and for good reason! The first month of their lives earth-side, requires us to provide the same level of comfort and care they had in the womb, while they slowly transition into living in the big wide world. It’s an awesome responsibility, that sometimes feels heavy on your shoulders. And the truth is that that weight doesn’t shift for the rest of your life. No matter how old your child is, you will always worry about them. That’s just the nature of the gig!
As new moms, we’ve never felt joy or despair as intensely before, because we are hardwired to do as well or as poorly as our little ones do. We cease to have independent functioning. These are the best of our days, and the worst too! I think a lot of moms struggle with a loss of identity as we cease to be a priority, and everything begins to revolve around our babies. We find that we are constantly juggling responsibilities, and having to reach deep for the patience and stamina we need for the most important role of our lives. And I think all moms catch themselves wondering… am I strong enough for this?
The answer to that question, is YES. Yes, we are. And we always will be, because we find the strength that’s needed for our journey as we go. We grow up alongside our babies, adapting to each new level of need as required. But there are days when we question whether becoming a parent was the right choice for us. Or whether we are the best parent we can be for our child, because we often feel as though we’re not enough. And those feelings are completely normal, even though they might feel wrong. Every single mom has thought that. Every single mom has wondered that. Every single mom has felt equally grateful for and resentful of their new role and responsibilties. Every single one of us needs a break from the relentlessness of it all sometimes. There’s absolutely no shame in it. We were never meant to do it all alone. Our ancient ancestors raised their infants within bonded communities and many cultures still do.
I think it’s so important to remember that we can’t operate at 100% every day. That’s just not realistic. If you are only at 40% but you give it your all, you have still given 100% to your bub and to your family. Only you can be the best mom possible to your little one. Because you were chosen by a higher power for this sacred purpose. It may not feel like it at times, but everything is exactly how it was fated to be. And your sweet kiddo is so lucky to have you as their mama. So never forget: You are brave. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are loved. To the world you are a mother. But to your family, you are the world.
