No matter who we are or what our circumstances, we all hope for a good death. Nothing tragic, nothing painful. No disease or disability. At home, not in hospital. Not too young and not too old. Maybe passing away peacefully in our sleep, surrounded by our beloved family. Our final thoughts being of them and of a life well-lived. 

But life being life, we never know how long we have here with our loved ones. Or whether our lives will have tracked as we’d hoped they would. Or whether we will be reconciled or estranged from people close to us. Or who will be there with us at the end. We can only hope and pray, that however it comes about, we have a peaceful passing. 

Truthfully though, there’s always more to live of each of our lives when we pass on. Maybe more time for our careers, our friends, and our family. Maybe less time for the bullshit and drama we get overly caught up in. Maybe projects left unfinished, or words left unspoken. Maybe hopes disappointed or dreams left unrealised. Maybe gains still to chase and losses still to mourn. We all need just a little bit more time! Our finite lives are too short to not be interrupted in some way by their inevitable end. 

I wish I knew what people’s last thoughts were, and perhaps one day we will. I wish I knew what comes after death, and perhaps one day we will. I wish I knew if we had the chance to review our lives here on earth from the great beyond, and perhaps one day we will. But I assume most of our final thoughts will be our wishes for those we leave behind. A desire for them to keep living happy and fulfilled lives in our absence. Our hope that their lives will be filled with joy and meaningful connections. Our prayer that they can feel the embrace of our boundless love for them from wherever our spirits reside. 

My love for my son is the deepest and most profound attachment of my life. I hope that he’ll always feel it. That he’ll remember our cuddles, our laughter, and the way we light each other up from the inside. That he’ll see a floating feather or a dancing bubble, shimmering in the sunlight, and think of me watching over him. Because my soul is bound to his and I’ll always stay with him. I will love him endlessly from wherever I may be. And that is my promise to him from now until eternity. 

But I often wonder if there’s even the smallest chance that I will be able to pass peacefully? Because my final thoughts will be of him. And I know I’ll always feel fearful of leaving a vulnerable soul alone in this big cruel world. No matter how old he is, I will worry about him. Even at the end. Maybe, especially then. I can only hope with my whole heart that once I’m gone, he will be surrounded by people that love and care for him just as much as I do. Hopefully, even, many magnitudes more.