One of the greatest blessings of our lives, has been our lovely neighbours. Stacey is not only the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful person you could ever hope to meet, but she’s also been incredibly inclusive of Aidan. Our little cub has been invited to play at their house, in their garden, at the park opposite our houses, to every Birthday party, to every trick-or-treat or trunk-or-treat, to every school event, and to some pop-up attractions in our area. She is always thinking of ways to bring our kids together for fun times!
When Aidan was younger, he didn’t really pay much attention to other kids unless they picked up something of his. Aidan was very possessive of his toys, and he would immediately snatch it back. Even now, at three years old, we have to remind him to slow down, let kids play, and wait his turn. As he got older, he became excited when he saw kids playing at places we visited. He would excitedly run up on them, and maybe reach out to touch them, but he didn’t know how to play with them. We watched children decide to be friendly with Aidan at the playground, and follow him around, or try to share a bench with him, or maybe even encourage him to see-saw or swing with them. And though he was visibly happy for the company, he didn’t really know how to reciprocate their energy and nuanced affection. Some kids were oblivious to Aidan’s lack of response. Others, seemed a little perturbed by it because it was unexpected. Whatever they might have been thinking, there was always so much of interest going on at the parks and playgrounds, they didn’t stay curious or stationary for long.
When Stacey first started inviting us out to meet up, I was nervous of how I was going to manage Aidan on my own. He never seemed to stay still, and we would usually be at a sprint behind him, because he had zero regard for personal safety, or the comfort-level of other people. Even though her one little girl was the same age as Aidan, I felt a bit self-conscious about them playing together at first, because Aidan could only parallel play at best, and would full-on elope at worst. It was never going to be a traditional hangout between moms, where we could sit and actually chat, while our kiddos played happily side by side. In fact, all our outings with Aidan involved one of us socialising, while the other ran after him all over the show. We’d take it in turns to eat, if a meal was planned, and that’s how we do things to this day. One partner gets to talk and eat, the other partner gets a workout!
Because I lacked some confidence early on, sadly, I turned down a lot of kind and loving invitations – even though I sensed that Stacey would probably understand. And wouldn’t judge our chaos. We’ve lived next door to each other for over two years, our kids have played together on and off, and she has never once asked me if Aidan is different in some way. Not once. She has always just accepted him exactly as he is with genuine interest and affection. If you are a special needs parent reading this, you will know how rare this is! And how utterly and completely precious this is! Because people can be unkind. And people tend to leave out kids that have additional needs simply because they don’t know how to behave around them. They don’t know how to respond to things the kids say and do. They don’t know what to make of stimming – whether to be seen observing it, or studiously looking away. They don’t know how to feel comfortable around our kiddos’ differences. I often wish they knew that a special needs parent would be thrilled just to be included and maybe asked questions about their kiddo’s autism, or included and have to play off to one side away from the crowd, than not be included at all.
I don’t know how to tell Stacey what a gift her love and inclusivity have been to our family. But maybe one day, I will. Because people like her are rare indeed, and her children and family have been an absolute blessing to our boy. I really hope that there is “a Stacey” in each of your lives! And we look forward to many more play dates ahead.
